Sailor Jae Aiono

 

    Truly not even sure where to start with this. Words just don't seem to do enough justice of what a journey it was to help bring Sailor to the world. I think I'll have to do a separate blog post just about surrogacy in general. This one will be for the birthing day. 

    On October 30th it was our 38 week check up. They asked if I wanted to have a cervical check and I declined. I was feeling great overall and very much at peace with my birth plan. We met with Dr. Laraway and briefly went over our plan and we measured my belly and heard the heartbeat and he said "See you in one week". After every appointment we'd say "I wonder how many more of these we really have." We thought at least one more maybe? The funny thing is we'd always end up in the parking lot discussing deep topics for at least a half hour before we finally left to see each other in another week. 

    I had done a hypno birthing course and practiced my affirmations, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques every day. I used the birthing ball everyday to do hip opening stretches. I was eating 6 dates a day and drinking my red raspberry leaf tea. I've never prepped so much for birth. I had a birth plan but I knew well enough that labor and delivery can take many turns and I needed to be flexible to change. In my past two deliveries I always had an epidural and never really felt a contraction. This time I really wanted to give it a try to listen to my body and see if I could do this naturally. My birth plan said things like "No pitocin unless medically necessary, I will ask for pain meds if I need them, I would like to be as mobile as I can and try different positions to labor in, wireless monitoring, etc.." The birth I imagined in my head looked like dim lights in the hospital room, diffusing essential oils, relaxing spa music, and my husband doing counter pressure on my hips with each contraction while reciting affirmations to me. Sounds pretty nice, right? haha

    On Halloween morning we went to Walkers school for the costume parade then Aspen and I headed to my parents house where I do my workouts. It was arm day that day. As I left my workout I remember thinking the night before Walker was born I had just done an arm workout and how funny it would be to go into labor the next day again (oops!). Later that night we went to Marks parents house to eat dinner and take the kids trick or treating with their cousins. I had been having braxton hicks contractions since I was around 22 weeks pregnant so that was nothing new, but normally they were happening when I was being more active and needed to sit to make them stop. These ones were coming while I was sitting and eating dinner so I thought that was odd. We took the kids around a little and I did some curb walking. I was feeling pretty good overall. That night we (by we I mean Mark) got the kids to bed and I got into bed around 8:30pm to watch my recent netflix show-Nashville. As I was laying there I put my last minute Saturday to-do's in my phone: Finish hospital bag, finalize birth plan, and finish my postpartum cart. We fell asleep maybe around 10pm. I think I was rolling over to get up to pee or maybe just switching sides and I felt a gush. I sat for a minute in disbelief when there was another gush. I said "Oh noooo" and Mark woke up. I told him my water broke and started to cry. I think I suddenly realized how much pressure I was feeling about it all. Which I put on myself. I had been preparing for this day for so long and now it was here and I just wanted everything to go so perfect for Taylor and Abbel. Mark must've known (he usually does) and started to whisper how proud he was of me. I went to the bath tub and he started pacing and texting everyone. I asked him what time did my water break. "You won't believe this.. it broke at 11:11pm". 

    Mark was texting Taylor and Abbel and keeping them in the loop. They already knew I wouldn't be rushing to the hospital. I wanted to labor at home as much as I could. I was planning on following the 5-1-1 rule. 1 minute contractions every 5 minutes happening for one hour. I laid in the bath for a bit and decided it would be best to get back in bed and rest up until the contractions were getting regular. At that point I wasn't feeling anything. Around 2 am they came but weren't too intense or close together at all so I was able to rest still. 5am they were coming at 5 minutes apart. They were intense enough that I had to get up from resting and sit on all fours and focus on my breathing. They were pretty consistent until about 5:30 and we told Taylor and Abbel if they kept being consistent for a little longer we'd head over. My parents came over that morning to be with my kids in case we had to leave in a hurry. We really weren't sure how quickly or slow things would progress. Then randomly they stalled. They were maybe every 10 to 15 minutes and not very intense. I could still talk through them and was okay. My mom came over to be with the kids which was really nice. I got in the bath again and then tried to get more rest. I was torn between going on a walk to get labor moving again or resting as much as I can for when it's go time. We decided finally to call the on call Dr. I told him when my water broke and that contractions had stalled. He said since it had been 12 hours it was probably time to go to the hospital and get started on pitocin. I hung up and started crying. It felt like my "plan" was slipping away already. I was under the impression that if you had pitocin its very difficult to have a labor without epidural. Mark went to Zupas and brought me lunch and then we let Taylor and Abbel know we were headed to the hospital. 

    We got checked into the hospital about 12:30pm and I changed into my hospital gown. First they checked to make sure my water did actually break (it did) then they checked my dilation. I was at a 2. I was so bummed. I told Mark if I wasn't dilated to a 4 I was going home. But with no contractions I knew Taylor wanted to make sure Sailor was okay and after your water breaks for 24 hours the risk of infection goes up so we were running out of time. Once Dr. Laraway got there we discussed a plan of action. He was very understanding of what I wanted and we made a plan that I could try a few more things for one hour to try to get things going again. They put in an IV with a saline lock so I could be more mobile after checking that everything with Sailor was okay. I got on the exercise ball and started doing all my exercises. I got a few more contractions but they weren't consistent. They started my IV and low dose pitocin at 3:00pm. I was starting to feel more contractions fairly quick but I could still breathe through them pretty well over the next little while. 30 minutes later they doubled it then doubled it again and things got spicy pretty quickly. I was switching from being on my hands and knees over the birthing ball on the floor then to the hospital bed on all fours. Mark was really great at doing counter pressure on my hips through every contraction. I had a birthing comb and some calm music in the background. I asked them not to check me for a little while so I could try to work through some of the pain. I was really proud of how far I made it but I could also tell my body was tiring pretty quickly. Poor Taylor and Abbel just had to sit and watch me in pain and I know they wanted to help. They were fanning me with every contraction because I was getting pretty warm. Also, just a quick shout out to my husband. He was my rock in that room. With every contraction he was there helping me through it. He made sure to keep me hydrated and usually that just meant bringing my water up to my lips without even asking. He helped be my voice when I needed it and kept me stocked on snacks so I could keep going. I also only snapped at him once or twice so that's not bad. 

Around 5:45pm I asked her to check me and was really hoping I'd be an 8. I knew if I was I could probably keep going. I was a 5. I felt so defeated in the moment and it hurt to tell the nurse "I would like an epidural". Mark (my "doula") asked me if that is what I really wanted. I told him yes I was ready for it. I knew I just needed a rest. In the moment I felt like I had failed. 20-30 minutes later the anesthesiologist was there and I wanted to kiss him honestly. I had two more intense contractions just while he was trying to position me for my epidural and I could not relax my body. I was so tense and yelling "ow ow ow". The epidural pain was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling. I felt relief almost instantly. I laid back and could finally completely relax my body. I fell asleep for a minute but didn't love how numb my legs were. Yes, I know that is the point of an epidural but it made me feel trapped and anxious. I had the same feeling with Walker. I didn't even like looking at the nurse moving my legs around because they felt so disconnected from my body. We turned the TV on and started watching the dodgers game. About two hours later the nurse checked me and I was fully dilated and Ayrika (our nurse) looked up at Taylor and said, "Are you ready to meet your baby?" Instant tears. From her and from me. It was finally go time! 

    The nursing staff starting getting everything prepped and ready for the doctor. My legs were COMPLETELY numb so they helped me get into position. I was feeling some adrenaline and was grateful for the epidural to give me time to relax so I could have the energy to push. Dr. Laraway made his way into the room and got all gowned up. There was so much excitement in the room even the nurses couldn't wait to meet Sailor. They had Mark holding my right leg and a nurse holding my left and said with the next contraction it was time to push. I've never pushed so hard in my life I thought my eye balls might pop out of my head. Even after that first push I could tell I had made progress because of the look on everyone's face. They could see that Sailor had some hair and was making her way into the world. The next push Laraway told me to slow down. I think he needed to make sure the cord wasn't wrapped around her neck. I think I only had to push maybe 3 more times and I could feel her slip out. Suddenly I could breathe a lot better and she was already crying. I couldn't believe it. She was finally here! Sailor made her debut at 8:31pm. They set her on my chest with a towel and Taylor was just to the left of me with tears running down her cheeks. "You did it!" She said to me. I think Abbel was in a little bit of shock and all the nurses were so happy. Taylor wanted to delay cutting the cord until it was no longer pulsing so she sat on my chest for a while. I was starting to feel guilty and just wanted that baby in her moms arms but later I found out that Taylor had agreed to wait until the cord was cut. We all just sat there in disbelief. It's hard to put into words all the feelings I felt in that moment. 

At some point Taylor had slipped into a hospital gown and once Abbel cut her cord she went to her mom and had some skin to skin. Seeing Taylor in the chair across from me with tears in her eyes and her baby on her chest was something I pictured for over a year. That was my "why" anytime pregnancy felt tough. Abbel sat beside her and Mark next to me while they stitched me up. With my previous births I always had a second degree tear and one was almost three. This one was only a first degree tear. My placenta came out shortly after and the Dr was nerding out on how unique it was. I actually don't even remember why it was unique but he asked if he could take a picture and he was showing all the nursing staff. Taylor and Abbel stayed in our room for a bit so they could have their golden hour and we waited for my epidural to wear off. It took longer than expected so we had to stay a bit longer but they said Taylor and Abbel could go into their rooms for the night since it was around 10pm. Watching them load all their things and wheel their baby out of the room was another thing I won't forget. Also, shout out to Ayrika and her mommy mocktail. That really hit the spot. 

The next morning the nurse asked when we'd like to go home and I just told her whenever we were able to. She said we could go home once the Dr came to check on me. Taylor and Abbel were right next door so they came over and spent some time with us. I got to see Sailor again. The most beautiful little samoan princess. She had some curly dark hair, her daddys nose, and the cutest chin wrinkle. It is odd to explain the love I feel for her and her family. It's not a motherly type of love and it's so much deeper than just a friendship. I felt like her auntie. 

Taylor asked if my kids wanted to come meet Sailor so we had Marks brother bring them over that afternoon. Aspen had been asking if she could hold Sailor since she was the size of a poppyseed. The kids walked into my room and Aspen didn't say "Hi mom!" or "I missed you mom!" It was.. "Where's the baby??" Then Walker told me he was proud of me which I'm sure his dad told him to say but still felt nice to hear. I texted Taylor and she said to come on over. We walked into their room and Sailor was there in her daddys arms all swaddled up. Aspen got to hold her and just had a little smile on her face the whole time. She did not want to let go. She could've stayed there all day. One of the pediatricians stopped by and did a little check up on her and Aspen stayed right there the whole time. Now it was our turn to go home. We gave everyone hugs and headed out. We got to show Walker and Aspen the exact delivery room they were born in too. Then our little family left the hospital. I had so many people during my pregnancy asking if I was worried I'd bond to the baby or if I'd feel sad when I left the hospital. Honestly, it was never a worry of mine but I also knew postpartum hormones can make you feel a little crazy. But leaving the hospital that day with my family I felt nothing other than pure joy. Sailor was safe in her mom and dads arms and I completed that part of my journey. 

Aspen Oakley Olsen

     "So are you wanting to be induced?" When the Dr asked me this at my 37 week checkup I had no idea. He offered to induce at 39 weeks. Mark was all about that so we could have the tax deduction (haha). But for me, I know it's better for your body to go naturally and with Walker my water broke at 38 weeks so I think I was expecting that again. 38 weeks would've been Christmas Eve so I was praying that wouldn't happen. I told her just stay in until after Christmas then you can come whenever you want! She is obviously a perfect little girl and listened. 

    We enjoyed Christmas with our families and the day after Mark helped me put it ALL away (Yes I am THAT person).  A few days before my scheduled induction I started doing all the things to try to get her to come on her own. These things would have probably helped if I did them a week or so before her due date but I was too scared of her coming on Christmas! I bounced on a yoga ball, collected colustrum (nipple stimulation), had sex (ew, I know), ate Takis, pineapples, drank raspberry leaf tea, and did lots of stretching and walking up stairs. This is when we were getting pounded with snow otherwise I would've been walking my buns off outside. At some point I realized she was just going to come when she wants (duh) and I should probably get the rest I need since they rescheduled my 6am induction to a midnight induction (do not recommend). 

    Induction day I was having contractions. Nothing painful but it was more than what I ever felt with Walker. We did some cleaning that day because I'm crazy and wanted a clean house when we got home before we filthed it up with diapers, piles of laundry, Walker toys, and dishes piling up. Otherwise, we took it pretty easy. We went to my other moms house (Marks mom, we aren't allowed to say in-law haha) and dropped off Walker so he could have a sleepover there. He was amped. That kid loves it at grandma and grandpas house, mostly because Uncle Drew is there. Then Mark said wherever I wanted to go for dinner we could go. I chose Red Lobster but the wait was at least an hour and that was not cool with me. We tried Tucanos and their wait was crazy too. We ended up at Wingers and it was delicious. (Also, I know all these details seem real dumb but I want to remember everything I can). 

    Going home that night felt really weird to not have Walker with us. I decided to try to get a power nap in before I try to push a baby out of me on no sleep :) I slept somewhere from 9-11pm and then woke up and loaded everything up. I already had my hospital bag packed and ready so I just needed a few last minute things and obviously snacks because I definitely planned on sneaking those. They say you're not supposed to eat but I'm not that good at following that rule. Also, lucky for us, the hospital is about 5 minutes away from our house so that is really nice. 

    We had to go through the emergency entrance because of the time of night it was. We got all checked in and I changed into a hospital gown. I still remember them putting Aspen's name on the whiteboard and it started to feel real. The nurse that placed my IV said my veins kept blowing so it took 3 tries. For whatever reason when she was done I went super pale and got hot and nauseas. She brought me a cool rag to put on my head and lowered my bed. I felt good pretty shortly after that. They then started my Pitocin. The anesthesiologist came in and placed my epidural. I forgot how oddly uncomfortable that feels. I wouldn't really say painful but it's just weird. You feel a pinch then it feels a little burn-y in your spine. Mark sat in front of me while I hugged a pillow and squeezed the life out of his hand. The Dr told me he wishes all his patients were like me ;) I'm a good patient. I also got super nauseous after that too. They gave me some IV medications and it helped almost immediately. Then the urinary catheter was placed.

    They got all my monitors hooked up and my nurse, Courtney said with how consistent my contractions were I probably would've had her pretty soon. A Dr came in shortly after that looked like he was about 19 years old and measured how dilated I was. 2.5cm with 75% effacement. Which was about the same as I was 10 days ago at my last checkup. 

    By the time I was all hooked up it was about 2:30am. I kept trying to get Mark to fold his uncomfortable couch out to a bed but he wouldn't. We watched dumb shows like Judge Judy and Divorce Court. The channels there are pretty limited. I tried to get some sleep but people kept walking in and checking me. The nurses shift changed and we got a new one. I don't remember her name but she seemed really new and didn't have a lot of confidence. She'd awkwardly chuckle after everything she said. 

    The Dr kid came in about 4:15 and broke my water. They said there was meconium in the fluid which means she pooped inside me. Not cool Aspen. They weren't super concerned about it and put something up me to flush it all out. I was dilated to a 3.5 at that point. They said Aspen was anterior and they wanted to try to get her to flip so they repositioned me. They had me lay down on my right side and had me put my left leg up in the stirrup. It was actually really comfortable for me. Except I was getting really itchy so that was a little annoying. 

    About 6:30am they had me positioned to what they call the throne. They lowered the bottom part of my bed down and raised the upper part so I was sitting upright and had my legs in butterfly. I guess it's supposed to help her to migrate down lower and keep dilating. Finally at 8:40am I was dilated to a 5. I told my mom to come whenever she'd like because I wanted my momma to be there with me. Surprisingly, the hospital was not super strict about mask mandates but I was only allowed 2 visitors. My breakfast that day was a cherry popsicle and I remember being annoyed it had high fructose corn syrup but I was sooo hungry. Mark snuck me some fruit snacks and fruit leather so that was nice. 

    My mom got there between 9:30 and 10am. And nothing crazy happened, it was just a waiting game mostly. Once I was dilated to a 6 it seemed like time flew. At one point my epidural drip ran out. I was starting to feel the contractions pretty strong. Mark kept pushing my button to deliver more drugs  because we didn't realize it was out. I was in tears and I had no idea how people could do this crap without drugs. Finally the nurse came and put more fluids in. Once it was a little after 1pm it was time to start pushing. Now my epidural was perfect! I could feel the pressure of a contraction but no pain. Mark asked if I wanted the mirror again like I did with Walker and I said yes. I know, I know it sounds gross but sometimes you feel like your pushing as hard as you possible can and you're not sure if anything is happening. This way I can actually see progress. We started to be able to see her head and all her beautiful hair. Finally her head came out after about 25 minutes of pushing and the Dr noticed the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck one time. He didn't even skip a beat, just told me to stop pushing and he took care of it. Then one more push and she was out at 1:34pm. 8lbs 4 oz of cuteness and 20 inches long. Dr. Laraway laid her on my chest and the nurses started rubbing her down with towels. My mom was able to get all that on film and its so cool to watch it back. She didn't want to cry at first so they were suctioning out her mouth until she let out a good cry. Mark cut the umbilical cord and the Dr started to stitch me up while they took her to the incubator and suctioned out 8mL of fluid out of her belly. I got a second degree tear just like Walker and I've never seen my feet so swollen but man was I happy. Welcome to the family little Aspen. You are already perfect in every way. 

Walker Douglas Olsen

3/19/2020 2am Mark finally crawls into bed after working with Caleb in the garage on his truck most of the evening. 4am I remember I was sleeping on my left side and rolled over to my right side for my 3rd potty break that night. I remember wondering if I was having a contraction because my stomach felt really tight (I was never good at recognizing contractions). I got onto the right side and swung my legs over and started to stand up when a gush of fluid poured out. "Mark! I think my water just broke!" I said. He jumped out of bed, turned on the light, and immediately ran over to me and said "We're having a baby!" It was pretty cute. I didn't even know what to do at this point. To be honest I just wanted to clean my sheets and my carpet immediately.. but turns out the water breaking doesn't really have an end point. It just kept coming! I stood there for a minute wondering what to do.. then I thought I'll go to the bathroom so it's easier to clean off the tile. Still, it kept coming. Finally I decided I'd just jump in the bath tub so I didn't feel so gross. Meanwhile, Mark is shaking. Like adrenaline rushing through his veins shaking. The only time I see him shake like that is when he kills a huge buck. He keeps pacing to the closet and back and doesn't really seem to know what he is doing. The dogs were a little confused and I remember watching Ruger get up and walk to the closet in back while he is walking through my "fluids" (gross I know). Luckily, my hospital bag is packed it just needed a few last minute things like my contacts, deodorant, and my toothbrush. Mark packs up that stuff and we head to the hospital and get there about 5am.

We walked through the ER entrance and tell them my water just broke. She asks me how far apart my contractions are and I tell her I have no idea. She asks us all the Corona Virus questions then lets us in. We head to the delivery room and the nurse hands me a gown to change into. I told her I packed a cute one and asked her if now was the time to put it on (haha) she said no because I'll be getting messy.  Then a larger nurse came in and said she was going to measure me to see how far I was dilated and if my water really did break. That was not comfortable. After some torture she finally decided she was going to get a nurse with smaller hands. This nurse was a lot less aggressive with her hands and decided I was 1cm dilated. So we knew it would be a long day. Dr. Ludlow came in and told me I just needed to be patient. I really liked him. He said we'd go ahead and start the pitocin and get my epidural in so I could just relax. Which was nice. The anesthesiologist came in to do my epidural. That felt super weird. It wasn't very painful, just weird. Mark held my hand the whole time. Then the nurse put in my IV and started the Pitocin. Mark tried to sleep on the super uncomfortable couch in the delivery room and we just turned on the TV and tried to be patient. I remember wondering when I could eat again since I thought I was starving. About 10am they delivered Mark's breakfast which he said wasn't very good. He kept sneaking me fruit leather and crackers. The nurse said I was allowed to have Jell-O, popsicles, and water. Throughout the day we mostly napped, watched TV, and Mark left a few times to check on the dogs for us. Mark was also brought lunch and dinner which he said were both really good. At one point we heard a lady next door in delivery and she was screaming and nurses were shouting and running in and out of our room to get supplies. Maybe 15 minutes later there was a baby crying. That was interesting. Nurses came in and out to measure me and I was slowly dilating but it took all day it seemed. Eventually Dr. Ludlow put in a foley catheter to hopefully make me dilate faster. Every time a nurse came in to measure me I was about 1cm more dilated which was about every other hour. Long day but at least I was comfortable. There was a point during all that where I could feel contractions on my left side and that was a bit painful. The nurse called in the anesthesiologist and I immediately felt relief. That's when I thought to myself, "How do people do this without drugs?". Respect to those ladies. Wow.



About 10:30pm rolled around and Courtney (my favorite nurse) measured me and said it was finally time to start pushing! Just then, Dr. Laraway walked in (in his street clothes) and Courtney told him that it was time. He left and changed into his scrubs while the nurses prepped my room. They brought in the baby incubator and two other nurses along with a bunch of sterile instruments. Dr. Laraway came in and said he was drinking his favorite drink which made Mark and I laugh. Finally the time came to start pushing. They put me in the stirrups. Courtney was on my left leg and Mark on my right. I couldn't feel my legs at all. The Dr placed a stool right in front of me and mostly sat there with his arms folded. Every time a contraction came they told me to push. I was pushing with everything I had. It was exhausting. I remember my biceps hurting because I did a dumb bell workout the night before and now I was using my arms to pull my legs in toward me and push. At one point Heartland was playing on the TV which made me real happy. Then Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader was going and Dr. Laraway played along with the questions. A little less than an hour later and I could tell it was getting close because Dr. Laraway finally put on his sterile gown and gloves. Courtney said she could see Walker's head and asked if I wanted to feel. I did then puked all over.. not sure why. The nurses asked if I wanted to see him come out and of course I did! They got a mirror and I could see everything. It helped me to push harder since I could see him come out a little during every push. They started to have me push 4 times instead of 3 during every contraction. Finally he came out and the Dr put him on my chest. Walker immediately wrapped his tiny fingers around mine and was squeezing my fingers so tight. He wasn't screaming much  so they took him to the incubator and the nurses were looking him over. I heard one of the nurses ask for the respiratory therapist which was a little scary but Mark was right next to him and seemed calm so I didn't worry too much. I watched the Dr. stitch me up and he said I had a 2nd degree tear almost 3rd degree. They brought Walker back to me and said to watch for odd breathing patterns. We did skin to skin. The first thing Mark said about his son was, "Oh great, he has your ears".



I immediately was in love with that little boy. I know people talk about how much love a mother has for their child but you really can't comprehend it until he is right there looking in your eyes. He seemed so perfect to me. Everything about him. I didn't sleep much that night because I was terrified he'd stop breathing. At one point I told Mark I wished he was back in my belly because he seemed so much safer in there. It's unreal how much I love this tiny little human. So excited for the next adventures with Walker Douglas.

That time I fractured my thumb...

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time. Mostly because I want Walker to hear this story when he's older and see how hardcore his mom is (HAHA).

August 17, 2019 was the archery hunt opener. Mark and I look forward to this day.. all year round. So much preparation and shooting practice to prepare us to be 20+ yards from a gorgeous buck. It is, by far, my favorite hunt. Something about the bow hunt gets my blood pumping. The weather is perfect. We have prepared all summer to be here. We've got in the reps, built up our poundage on our bows, and sighted them in so we feel confident. The bow hunt is challenging. You have to get close enough to feel confident in your ability to get a kill shot, but also not too close that the bucks can't smell, see, or hear you. What a rush of adrenaline.

I believe I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time so the first trimester nausea was in full swing, which luckily for me it really never got too bad. I could tell that I didn't have as much stamina or energy to hike like I wanted to. That first morning I took it easy and went on a short solo hike and sat near one of our trail cameras where we had some activity. That evening I basically did the same hike and didn't see much.

August 18, 2019 was the morning we decided to leave the basin we were camping in and go back to what we call our "base camp", where our trailers are parked and all our food is stashed. We got more practice shooting in, ate food, and napped in preparation for the evening hunt. That's when everything went south for me. Mark and his buddy Caleb decided that evening they wanted to take out their e-bikes and go to another basin. I originally told Mark I would stay close to camp and just do a short hike since I wasn't feeling super great. I changed my mind and decided I'd take the razor out and do a little road hunting in search of a good trail to hike. All I have ever wanted is to take a buck on a solo hunt. I just think it would be such a cool accomplishment to not have any help from anyone. So that was my plan that evening.



I drove the razor down a familiar road hoping to spot some deer or a good trail. As I rounded a corner I thought I saw a deer and it distracted me a little. Keep in mind.. I am a huge wimp. I was not going fast. The road had some lose gravel and when I looked back toward the road I was getting too close to a big dip on the other side. I tried to correct it but the lose gravel gave me no traction. I slid into a tree with my passenger tire and as I hit the steering wheel popped over and hit my left hand hard then the whole thing rolled onto the drivers side. Thankfully I had my seat belt on and I was gripping the steering wheel so hard that I didn't try to put my hand out in an attempt to catch myself. That specific part plays over and over again in my head. It's weird how it seemed to happen so quickly, but also in slow motion. How is that possible? I knew immediately my left hand was not looking good. It swelled up quick and I couldn't move any of my fingers. My fingers were actually kind of stuck in a weird position like after you jam them super hard. My first thought was.. this thing is going to blow up if I don't get out right now (haha). I unbuckled myself and turned off the razor and jumped out the top of the razor. I couldn't really think clearly about what had happened. I just knew I was super nauseous. I paced around the road trying to make sense of it all. Looking at my left hand it looked like it had already swelled up to twice the size but I couldn't feel the pain yet. It was just stuck. Luckily I remembered that we have walkie talkies and I thought to message Mark. I honestly didn't think he'd respond being as far away as he was. I could hardly get the words out but I remember saying, "Mark.. Mark? Are you there?" Nothing. "Caleb.. Cam? Are you there?" Then thankfully I heard marks voice come through. I wasn't sure if it was Mark Bowden or my Mark but I started to cry and hyperventilate a little. Mark had no idea what I was trying to say. He says he thought I shot a buck and was just too excited to get words out. I said, "Mark I crashed the razor.. I'm okay but I think my hand is broken". He said he was coming to get me so I decided to just kneel by the side of the road to catch my breath. That's when things started to sink in a little. I started to dry heave thinking I might throw up but nothing came out. I sat down, then stood up, sat down again. A truck came down the road with probably 5 or 6 people in the bed of the truck. They all stared at me not knowing what to say. They started to jump out asking if I was okay and I just waved them off and said my husband was on the way. I didn't want to talk or have any help. I was starting to feel mad that this was happening and wondered if Mark would be mad that I ended his night hunt early (which he does give me crap for.. but no he wasn't mad haha). A bunch of guys jumped out and asked if I wanted them to put the razor back on it's tires and I just said "sure". One of the people that jumped out of the truck came up to me and told me she was a nurse and wanted to know if she could examine me. She asked me where I was hurting and I told her my left hand was starting to throb a little. They laid me down on my back and started putting jackets on me because I started to shiver a little. The nurse went back to the truck and came back with ice and started to ice my hand. Which kind of sucked. She found some sticks and some bandaging material to splint my hand so that was pretty cool. While we waited for Mark to come down I tried to lighten the mood a little. I asked "Has anyone seen any bomber bucks yet? Has anyone taken a shot?" They were a little taken aback from that and just kind of laughed and said not yet. I felt bad they were all just standing around me. One of the guys said the razor looked to still be in perfect condition so I immediately asked how my bow looked. I forgot it was in the front seat. He laughed as he walked back to the razor and he told me the bow looks good too. As they were talking to me I kept grabbing my stomach so one of the girls asked if my stomach hurt. I said, "No but I'm like 7 weeks pregnant so I do that sometimes". After I said that the nurse looked worried and started to palpate my abdomen in different quadrants asking if anything hurt. Nothing did. They asked if I wanted them to call the ambulance and I said no I'll just wait to my husband. They were starting to worry me a little. Finally after what seemed like forever Mark pulled up in the four wheeler and I think he said something like, "What did ya do this time sweetie?" The girls kept telling Mark that we really should call an ambulance and he said "Nah, she's fine". He asked me how I was feeling, then all the emotions came. I started thinking about the baby and thought how selfish I was to be worried about my bow and mad that I wrecked instead of thinking about the baby. They said I should get an ultrasound to check on the baby and I started to panic a little, which Mark could sense. I started to cry and think that my stomach was hurting when it probably wasn't. The nurse kept trying to get me to count and say the ABC's over and over again. Mark just kept reassuring me that everything was going to be just fine. Mark Bowden then pulled up in his car and they all helped me stand up and put me in the back seat of the car so we could head to a hospital. We all started driving, kind of fast, then hit a huge dip in the road. My butt definitely lifted off the seat and I got some serious air. I still remember seeing both Marks whip their whole body around to look at me and see if I was okay. I just smiled and told them I was fine. Mark Bowden said that we should pull over and give me a blessing, which we did. I remember on the drive to the hospital all I wanted to do was sleep. My eyes felt so heavy. They put a huge blanket on my lap for my arm to stay elevated and even gave me a puke bag just in case. We pulled up to instant care and was closed already by about 20 minutes. So we had to go to the ER. I was expecting that to be a little different.. but they made us wait and fill out paperwork and of course none of us had wallets or any other information. They finally took us back and the nurse took my blood pressure and asked what had happened. We took off my splint and she said, "Well you've earned yourself an x-ray". By now it was swollen and bruised looking. They double gowned me with lead aprons once they heard I was pregnant and made me take some awkward radiographs of my thumb. The nurse told me before that they could take the x-rays but had to send them to Salt Lake for them to interpret them. They said they wouldn't be able to tell us much until they heard back. As soon as I got out of the room and made my way back to the exam room the nurse stopped me and said, "You're definitely going to need surgery". She showed me the x-rays and showed me where my first metacarpal was supposed to be and where it was. My heart sunk because I knew that meant the archery hunt was officially over for me.



They gave me a temporary splint to wear and gave us the option to do surgery there the next morning or go back home the next day. On the way back to camp I was just trying to hold back my tears and anger. We stopped for food but I wasn't hungry. I felt sick still. And pissed. We got back to camp and I went straight into the trailer to try to sleep. That was a long night. Because I was pregnant there wasn't much I could take to relieve the pain. I slept with my hand on a pillow through the night. Mark and I decided it'd be better to head home that next morning and have surgery done closer to home. I kept crying on the way. I didn't know if the baby was okay and I was mad that I ruined the hunt. We got into a clinic that morning. They looked at my x-rays and took a look at my thumb. He was about to say something when I interrupted and said, "Did they also tell you I'm pregnant?". He paused and said, "Well, I was just about to ask you how tomorrow sounds but that changes things a little". He left the room and I don't think he knew I could actually hear him talking to the surgeon outside the door. "We have a first metacarpal fracture that I wanted to schedule tomorrow but she's about 7 weeks pregnant". All the surgeon did was made a wince sound. So I cried some more. They came in and told us that I'd just have to be awake in the surgery and that they could do a nerve block so I wouldn't feel a thing.



The next morning Mark drove me to Provo for surgery. I have to admit I was really impressed with this place. Central Utah Surgical Center is what is was called. They were all amazing to work with. I was, of course, very nervous but they did everything they could to accommodate me. I don't remember a lot about that morning except changing into the gown and them putting the IV in. One of the nurses came in to see if they could find my babys heartbeat and when she couldn't I wanted to cry again. But Mark talked me down and said we're still early and there's nothing to worry about. The nurses reassured me that I wasn't very far along at all and if I were even a week later they could probably find it. When one of the Dr's came in to do my nerve block.. that part I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget. He got out the ultrasound and asked me to raise my arm above my head. He started to probe in my arm pit. He was great and tried to explain what he was doing and would apologize when it hurt. Which it did. The best way I can describe that is my nerves felt like guitar strings that he just kept plucking and then when he hit a nerve and started to inject the lidocaine it burned like crazy. The Dr's and nurses kept telling me that I was a rock star for doing this without anesthesia. I remind Mark all the time. After that was over I couldn't feel my entire left arm. It was so weird. They put it in a big splint so it wouldn't flop around. I had to use the bathroom from all the fluids and I remember trying to get up and my arm swung up and hit me in the face. It was pretty funny. After that it was time for surgery. I got emotional when I had to say bye to Mark and he went to the waiting room. They wheeled me into surgery on a table and everything seemed so cold. Dr. Johnson was the one performing my surgery and he was awesome. He kept making sure I was comfortable. I couldn't see what was happening because they put a sheet up but I could hear the drilling as they placed the pins.. He said to pretend I was at the dentist. Not sure that helped. The staff was all great to work with and kept talking to me to distract me. They even had music playing. It seemed like I was in and out of surgery real quick. Mark says he was in the waiting area maybe 30-40 minutes.



We got home and situated that day. I didn't have a lot for pain meds, again because of Walker (you better be worth it buddy). Luckily I was numb for quite a bit after the surgery which was nice. It was real creepy when my fingers would touch my leg and I didn't know what was touching me. I talked Mark into going back out on the hunt. He felt so bad but I told him that was what I really wanted. I didn't want to hold him back more. So he left that day. I remember when the block started to wear off and the pain came. That was not super fun. I watched a lot of netflix and the dogs kept me company. I kept ice on it most of the time but it was a huge cast so who knows if it really got through. I honestly expected recovery to be the worst. I wasn't prepared for how many people that are there for me. I got cookies delivered to my door. My sister in law came over and brought me flowers, bath salts, and treats then cleaned my kitchen. My sister came over once a week for quite a while to wash my hair and shave my armpits (there's a lot of things you don't think of that you can't do one handed..). And she'd help fold laundry. My mom came over and helped me prep food to make it easier. I had lots of visitors bring me food and just be there for me. I got packages. I felt so loved. It really made recovery so easy. Luckily, I already had that week requested off work for hunting so I didn't feel like I left them understaffed.



The months and weeks that followed weren't easy but with the help of everyone around me, it was a lot easier. I had to learn to do a lot one handed. Work was really hard for me. I basically had to have a Vet Assistant follow me everywhere to draw up my vaccines or hold a dog for the Dr. I hated having to rely on someone but we made it work. I started with a giant bandage and slowly over the weeks it got smaller. Then they removed the pins. That was interesting. I expected it to hurt but it didn't really. It was just creepy looking. My hand did not look like my hand. There was no muscle. They took a few post op radiographs a few weeks later and determined I was ready for physical therapy. The first day was real discouraging. I loved my therapist Brad Mangum, he made it fun. Some days I wanted to punch him but mostly it was fun. I just remember the first day he'd ask me to do certain ranges of motion and I felt like I was pushing so hard and nothing was happening. I wanted to cry (I know I know, I want to cry a lot but I'm pregnant and just went through something traumatic okay?!). I went to therapy for a few months and learned more stretches and ways to torture my thumb. I think finally in November I graduated from physical therapy and no longer needed any kind of splint. A long journey.. In January I drew my bow back for the first time since the accident and I was surprised to see I still had the strength to pull it back. We actually went on a Coues hunt hoping I could find a buck with my bow. It was a lot of fun but I never got close enough.



Basically the whole point of this blog post is to say.. I hope this dang kid is worth having my thumb drilled into without anesthesia AND not having any good pain medications afterward. But he will be. Can't wait to meet my future little buddy.

How did I get so lucky?!

Well, it's been over a year since I blogged last. I'm so glad I was inspired to blog again. I haven't written in so long I almost forgot how much I love it. Ready for an update on my life?!

Most recently: Mark and I have moved into my parents basement in Orem. We were living in a cute little house in Provo and sold it because the market was good and we (mostly Mark) decided we wanted to build our dream home! It's definitely been a change to get used to especially because we have two dogs and one of them is CRAZY! I feel bad for my parents a lot of the time. Haha! I miss our place in Provo but I know it'll be worth it when we have our new house in Salem and one day I'll get to look out the back window and see my horse in my back yard. We were originally thinking we would be able to move in April but with this crazy winter it's sounding more like May-June, so I decided if I expect late fall I can't be disappointed!

The horse: If you know me, you know I LOVE talking about my pony; Tacoma. When I first got her a little over a year ago I felt so in over my head wondering why I got a 1 year old when I don't have much experience breaking a horse! But she is coming along so wonderfully thanks to a good friend; Megan. I'm finally actually riding her. It's amazing. We have gone solo a few times but she's not quite ready for that so I make sure to either have someone holding a lunge line that's connected to her or at least someone there watching me. She still spooks at everything, but that's pretty much just a horse thing. I feel so bonded to her already. I really lucked out with this horse. It's been a tad more challenging now that I don't live across the street from her but I make it work. Tacoma is boarded at a wonderful place called Sunspring Ranch. Lucked out with this place too! The Goodman's own it and have all been so great with me. I'm even able to help milk the goats or clean stalls to pay for some of her board so that's been a life saver. I'm not entirely sure how long she'll be there after we move to Salem but that'll be a challenge for sure. I think I can handle it though!

Lifestyle: Yep, that's right it's not a diet it's a lifestyle people! As some of you know (because I don't shut up about it ever..) I joined Crossfit XD (pleasant grove) about 8 months ago and it's been an incredible journey. The gym and the barn are literally my social life. I love the people there, it's like a small family. I guess most of it is family though ;) The owners joke that someday it'll be called Mellor Time because there are so many of us. We're kind of a big deal. Along with Crossfit I've been on a meal plan that my coach has put together for me. I can't tell you how much these both have changed my life. Each week for 4 hours I get a cheat meal. It's incredible. But seriously, when I'm done cheating I am so excited to shove my face with chicken, brussel sprouts, and broccoli. So weird, I know. It just feels good to fuel your body with what it needs to function at it's absolute best.



Career: Still working as a CVT (Certified Vet Tech.. again.. I'm a big deal) at Family Pet Hospital in Mapleton. I've been there about 3 1/2 years and I still love going to work everyday. I should admit though, that lately I have felt a little burnt out. I guess it's common to happen in the veterinary field. You just get so close with a family and their pet and then they get old and eventually die. It gets depressing. Some days you have 5 euthanasia's you have to go into and explain to the family what's going to happen and ,often times, convince them that they're doing the right thing. It's hard to not let it get to you. It can also be very frustrating when some owners don't realize just how similar dogs/cats are to humans. They need to be on a good diet, they should get routine oral care, and they need dr visits! But overall, I love it. I can't picture myself doing any other line of work. I love educating clients, seeing how medicine can affect a dog's life, and learning something new every day. Plus I have some really great coworkers.

The Husband/My Wildman: Oh this guy. I just like him a lot. He's so crazy. Keeps life interesting. Mark and I are coming up on our 4 year anniversary. How crazy is that?! Even though sometimes he makes me want to rip my hair out.. he sure is great. So many qualities I love about him. He supports me in everything I do and he knows when I'm stressed and exactly what to say to calm me down. Mark just bought we a new bow for my birthday and (don't tell him) but I cannot wait to shoot it! That thing is going to be lights out for this upcoming archery season.

Life in general: So yeah I guess I'm a pretty busy person. If I'm not home (which is basically only when I sleep or meal prep) I'm at the gym, barn, or work. Literally the only options. I can honestly say I LOVE MY LIFE! How did I get so lucky though??

Livin' the Dream

What a better day than today to think about how blessed I am?! If only I could go back to 4 years ago and know where I would be today. So much has happened.

Mark and I are coming up on our 3 year anniversary! This picture was taken the second time we ever hung out and got to know each other (the first time he was too busy playing on his four wheeler). That's why I call this picture love at second sight :) I THINK this one was taken in 2010.

 I still remember working at Gunnies late that night and a friend at the time asked me if I wanted to go camping that night. So I went and it ended up being my friend, her boyfriend, and Mark and I. I thought he was such a weird guy but he made me laugh so hard. It was really cold and he was in a tank top rallying around the camp spot on his four wheeler yelling "party shirt!!". Nothing has changed a bit. We sat around the camp fire talking most of the night and he was so easy to talk to and caring. Here we are now! All growed up.

Now let's just talk about my dream job for a minute. I can't believe I've been there for 2 1/2 years! Time flies. I'm graduated and passed by Vet Tech National Exam and I miss school everyday. But the awesome thing about my job is that I am constantly learning. I will never know it all and there's always room for improvement. I love it. I could not be more lucky to find a job so perfect for me. Not to mention all the wonderful people I get to work with everyday. This is a picture of Ginger. I can't remember her age exactly but let's just say OLD. Like a senior citizen. Plus she was diabetic, arthritic, and had already lost one eye due to cataracts. Her family took such great care of her. Ginger boarded at our clinic frequently and so we all bonded with her. She was kind of a pain with her eye drops, insulin injections (she would scream every time), and arthritis meds but we loved her anyway. The day I saw her on the schedule to be euthanized it was kind of a relief in a way. I knew all her pain would go away and she was so tired of getting poked twice a day. But of course it was a sad goodbye, After we put in her IV catheter I said, "No more pokes Ginger." RIP Ginger Allan.

I still cannot believe that I am a horse owner. Ever since Molly passed on (a blog topic for another day) I wanted to get another horse. I kept bugging Mark about it but he would put it off (just to tease me) and then one day he said I could get one for my graduation present! When me and my sister took a trip to Idaho for a Shania Twain concert (again, how lucky am I?!) my grandpa showed me a horse. She was only a yearling and he was working on training her. I kept telling Mark I wanted a young one I could train a little so we could both have confidence and trust in each other. I couldn't stop thinking about her after I got home. We found an awesome ranch that's so close to my house, literally walking distance! It's called Sunspring Ranch and it's perfect. I help on the weekends to milk the goats and it helps to pay off some of Tacoma's boarding. Plus Josie is there and she helps me with Tacoma when she has time which is great because I am so new to this training thing! Mark tries to call her Taco which doesn't make me very happy. She'll be 2 years old next spring! Tacoma definitely tries to test me and see what she can get away with. She's gonna learn today!!

And last but definitely not least I am SO grateful for family. Not only the Mellor side but the Olsen side. I feel like I fit right in. I get so much support from both sides. I have been missing my brother Corbin who is currently deployed for 6 months. What a sacrifice people like Corbin make for us. Love you guys. Happy Thanksgiving! 

Brighton Kay Mellor

     Well it has been an exciting trip so far! I've been here a week now and fly home in 3 days. I decided I'm a lot more like my mom than I thought I was. I have had such a hard time being away from work and school and my husband. I just hate not feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything or learning. But I am really glad I came!
   
     Brighton Kay Mellor was born yesterday and what an amazing experience it was. I feel lucky that I was able to be in the delivery room and gained some serious respect for women! I had never been around that before and didn't know anything about pregnancy but I learned A LOT while being here (thanks to Emily's hilariously blunt mom). I didn't realize how painful contractions were until my first night being here. Me, Emily, and Corbin were just cleaning up our dinner plates when Emily leaned over the counter in pain and she kinda yelled. I was juggling two plates and yelled something like, "Is she having a baby?!?" and then one of the plates smashed to the ground. We all laughed afterwards and Emily felt kinda bad because she forgot to tell me that she gets contractions once in a while.. haha. I had no clue!

     Emily and Corbin went to the hospital yesterday morning so Emily could be induced. We came later that morning and she looked to be in some serious pain. I wanted to help her but knew there was nothing I could do. It was really cool listening to little Brighton's heart beat on the machine (my mom is baby crazy and made me record it and send it to her). Emily's nurse was really nice and answered all of our many questions. Finally Emily got her epidural and it seemed to ease some of pain. The nurse told us it was time to start pushing because Emily was dilated to a 7. I thought, "Wait are you sure?? Already? Shouldn't we wait for the doctor?" For some reason I thought all it took was a couple good pushes and she'd just slip right out! Nope. Emily's "mid-wife" (whatever that is) finally came and they got everything ready. It was time! I stood next to Corbin and they were all just cheering Emily on. I thought I might get dizzy once I was in there (since it is very different than a cat or dog getting neutered) but I didn't at all. I was actually really interested in it! I could see Brighton's full head of hair and then after another good push there was her head and out slid the rest of her body! I couldn't believe how fast it was. And then the lady that delivered the baby kinda just chucked Brighton onto Emily's chest and Corbin cut the cord. It was actually really emotional. Even for me! I watched the nurses clean Brighton up a little and then Emily and Corbin got to hold her. You could just see how much love they already had for this little girl. Welcome home Brighton Kay!