3/19/2020 2am Mark finally crawls into bed after working with Caleb in the garage on his truck most of the evening. 4am I remember I was sleeping on my left side and rolled over to my right side for my 3rd potty break that night. I remember wondering if I was having a contraction because my stomach felt really tight (I was never good at recognizing contractions). I got onto the right side and swung my legs over and started to stand up when a gush of fluid poured out. "Mark! I think my water just broke!" I said. He jumped out of bed, turned on the light, and immediately ran over to me and said "We're having a baby!" It was pretty cute. I didn't even know what to do at this point. To be honest I just wanted to clean my sheets and my carpet immediately.. but turns out the water breaking doesn't really have an end point. It just kept coming! I stood there for a minute wondering what to do.. then I thought I'll go to the bathroom so it's easier to clean off the tile. Still, it kept coming. Finally I decided I'd just jump in the bath tub so I didn't feel so gross. Meanwhile, Mark is shaking. Like adrenaline rushing through his veins shaking. The only time I see him shake like that is when he kills a huge buck. He keeps pacing to the closet and back and doesn't really seem to know what he is doing. The dogs were a little confused and I remember watching Ruger get up and walk to the closet in back while he is walking through my "fluids" (gross I know). Luckily, my hospital bag is packed it just needed a few last minute things like my contacts, deodorant, and my toothbrush. Mark packs up that stuff and we head to the hospital and get there about 5am.
We walked through the ER entrance and tell them my water just broke. She asks me how far apart my contractions are and I tell her I have no idea. She asks us all the Corona Virus questions then lets us in. We head to the delivery room and the nurse hands me a gown to change into. I told her I packed a cute one and asked her if now was the time to put it on (haha) she said no because I'll be getting messy. Then a larger nurse came in and said she was going to measure me to see how far I was dilated and if my water really did break. That was not comfortable. After some torture she finally decided she was going to get a nurse with smaller hands. This nurse was a lot less aggressive with her hands and decided I was 1cm dilated. So we knew it would be a long day. Dr. Ludlow came in and told me I just needed to be patient. I really liked him. He said we'd go ahead and start the pitocin and get my epidural in so I could just relax. Which was nice. The anesthesiologist came in to do my epidural. That felt super weird. It wasn't very painful, just weird. Mark held my hand the whole time. Then the nurse put in my IV and started the Pitocin. Mark tried to sleep on the super uncomfortable couch in the delivery room and we just turned on the TV and tried to be patient. I remember wondering when I could eat again since I thought I was starving. About 10am they delivered Mark's breakfast which he said wasn't very good. He kept sneaking me fruit leather and crackers. The nurse said I was allowed to have Jell-O, popsicles, and water. Throughout the day we mostly napped, watched TV, and Mark left a few times to check on the dogs for us. Mark was also brought lunch and dinner which he said were both really good. At one point we heard a lady next door in delivery and she was screaming and nurses were shouting and running in and out of our room to get supplies. Maybe 15 minutes later there was a baby crying. That was interesting. Nurses came in and out to measure me and I was slowly dilating but it took all day it seemed. Eventually Dr. Ludlow put in a foley catheter to hopefully make me dilate faster. Every time a nurse came in to measure me I was about 1cm more dilated which was about every other hour. Long day but at least I was comfortable. There was a point during all that where I could feel contractions on my left side and that was a bit painful. The nurse called in the anesthesiologist and I immediately felt relief. That's when I thought to myself, "How do people do this without drugs?". Respect to those ladies. Wow.
About 10:30pm rolled around and Courtney (my favorite nurse) measured me and said it was finally time to start pushing! Just then, Dr. Laraway walked in (in his street clothes) and Courtney told him that it was time. He left and changed into his scrubs while the nurses prepped my room. They brought in the baby incubator and two other nurses along with a bunch of sterile instruments. Dr. Laraway came in and said he was drinking his favorite drink which made Mark and I laugh. Finally the time came to start pushing. They put me in the stirrups. Courtney was on my left leg and Mark on my right. I couldn't feel my legs at all. The Dr placed a stool right in front of me and mostly sat there with his arms folded. Every time a contraction came they told me to push. I was pushing with everything I had. It was exhausting. I remember my biceps hurting because I did a dumb bell workout the night before and now I was using my arms to pull my legs in toward me and push. At one point Heartland was playing on the TV which made me real happy. Then Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader was going and Dr. Laraway played along with the questions. A little less than an hour later and I could tell it was getting close because Dr. Laraway finally put on his sterile gown and gloves. Courtney said she could see Walker's head and asked if I wanted to feel. I did then puked all over.. not sure why. The nurses asked if I wanted to see him come out and of course I did! They got a mirror and I could see everything. It helped me to push harder since I could see him come out a little during every push. They started to have me push 4 times instead of 3 during every contraction. Finally he came out and the Dr put him on my chest. Walker immediately wrapped his tiny fingers around mine and was squeezing my fingers so tight. He wasn't screaming much so they took him to the incubator and the nurses were looking him over. I heard one of the nurses ask for the respiratory therapist which was a little scary but Mark was right next to him and seemed calm so I didn't worry too much. I watched the Dr. stitch me up and he said I had a 2nd degree tear almost 3rd degree. They brought Walker back to me and said to watch for odd breathing patterns. We did skin to skin. The first thing Mark said about his son was, "Oh great, he has your ears".
I immediately was in love with that little boy. I know people talk about how much love a mother has for their child but you really can't comprehend it until he is right there looking in your eyes. He seemed so perfect to me. Everything about him. I didn't sleep much that night because I was terrified he'd stop breathing. At one point I told Mark I wished he was back in my belly because he seemed so much safer in there. It's unreal how much I love this tiny little human. So excited for the next adventures with Walker Douglas.
Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Thursday, March 12, 2020
That time I fractured my thumb...
I have been wanting to write about this for a long time. Mostly because I want Walker to hear this story when he's older and see how hardcore his mom is (HAHA).
August 17, 2019 was the archery hunt opener. Mark and I look forward to this day.. all year round. So much preparation and shooting practice to prepare us to be 20+ yards from a gorgeous buck. It is, by far, my favorite hunt. Something about the bow hunt gets my blood pumping. The weather is perfect. We have prepared all summer to be here. We've got in the reps, built up our poundage on our bows, and sighted them in so we feel confident. The bow hunt is challenging. You have to get close enough to feel confident in your ability to get a kill shot, but also not too close that the bucks can't smell, see, or hear you. What a rush of adrenaline.
I believe I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time so the first trimester nausea was in full swing, which luckily for me it really never got too bad. I could tell that I didn't have as much stamina or energy to hike like I wanted to. That first morning I took it easy and went on a short solo hike and sat near one of our trail cameras where we had some activity. That evening I basically did the same hike and didn't see much.
August 18, 2019 was the morning we decided to leave the basin we were camping in and go back to what we call our "base camp", where our trailers are parked and all our food is stashed. We got more practice shooting in, ate food, and napped in preparation for the evening hunt. That's when everything went south for me. Mark and his buddy Caleb decided that evening they wanted to take out their e-bikes and go to another basin. I originally told Mark I would stay close to camp and just do a short hike since I wasn't feeling super great. I changed my mind and decided I'd take the razor out and do a little road hunting in search of a good trail to hike. All I have ever wanted is to take a buck on a solo hunt. I just think it would be such a cool accomplishment to not have any help from anyone. So that was my plan that evening.
I drove the razor down a familiar road hoping to spot some deer or a good trail. As I rounded a corner I thought I saw a deer and it distracted me a little. Keep in mind.. I am a huge wimp. I was not going fast. The road had some lose gravel and when I looked back toward the road I was getting too close to a big dip on the other side. I tried to correct it but the lose gravel gave me no traction. I slid into a tree with my passenger tire and as I hit the steering wheel popped over and hit my left hand hard then the whole thing rolled onto the drivers side. Thankfully I had my seat belt on and I was gripping the steering wheel so hard that I didn't try to put my hand out in an attempt to catch myself. That specific part plays over and over again in my head. It's weird how it seemed to happen so quickly, but also in slow motion. How is that possible? I knew immediately my left hand was not looking good. It swelled up quick and I couldn't move any of my fingers. My fingers were actually kind of stuck in a weird position like after you jam them super hard. My first thought was.. this thing is going to blow up if I don't get out right now (haha). I unbuckled myself and turned off the razor and jumped out the top of the razor. I couldn't really think clearly about what had happened. I just knew I was super nauseous. I paced around the road trying to make sense of it all. Looking at my left hand it looked like it had already swelled up to twice the size but I couldn't feel the pain yet. It was just stuck. Luckily I remembered that we have walkie talkies and I thought to message Mark. I honestly didn't think he'd respond being as far away as he was. I could hardly get the words out but I remember saying, "Mark.. Mark? Are you there?" Nothing. "Caleb.. Cam? Are you there?" Then thankfully I heard marks voice come through. I wasn't sure if it was Mark Bowden or my Mark but I started to cry and hyperventilate a little. Mark had no idea what I was trying to say. He says he thought I shot a buck and was just too excited to get words out. I said, "Mark I crashed the razor.. I'm okay but I think my hand is broken". He said he was coming to get me so I decided to just kneel by the side of the road to catch my breath. That's when things started to sink in a little. I started to dry heave thinking I might throw up but nothing came out. I sat down, then stood up, sat down again. A truck came down the road with probably 5 or 6 people in the bed of the truck. They all stared at me not knowing what to say. They started to jump out asking if I was okay and I just waved them off and said my husband was on the way. I didn't want to talk or have any help. I was starting to feel mad that this was happening and wondered if Mark would be mad that I ended his night hunt early (which he does give me crap for.. but no he wasn't mad haha). A bunch of guys jumped out and asked if I wanted them to put the razor back on it's tires and I just said "sure". One of the people that jumped out of the truck came up to me and told me she was a nurse and wanted to know if she could examine me. She asked me where I was hurting and I told her my left hand was starting to throb a little. They laid me down on my back and started putting jackets on me because I started to shiver a little. The nurse went back to the truck and came back with ice and started to ice my hand. Which kind of sucked. She found some sticks and some bandaging material to splint my hand so that was pretty cool. While we waited for Mark to come down I tried to lighten the mood a little. I asked "Has anyone seen any bomber bucks yet? Has anyone taken a shot?" They were a little taken aback from that and just kind of laughed and said not yet. I felt bad they were all just standing around me. One of the guys said the razor looked to still be in perfect condition so I immediately asked how my bow looked. I forgot it was in the front seat. He laughed as he walked back to the razor and he told me the bow looks good too. As they were talking to me I kept grabbing my stomach so one of the girls asked if my stomach hurt. I said, "No but I'm like 7 weeks pregnant so I do that sometimes". After I said that the nurse looked worried and started to palpate my abdomen in different quadrants asking if anything hurt. Nothing did. They asked if I wanted them to call the ambulance and I said no I'll just wait to my husband. They were starting to worry me a little. Finally after what seemed like forever Mark pulled up in the four wheeler and I think he said something like, "What did ya do this time sweetie?" The girls kept telling Mark that we really should call an ambulance and he said "Nah, she's fine". He asked me how I was feeling, then all the emotions came. I started thinking about the baby and thought how selfish I was to be worried about my bow and mad that I wrecked instead of thinking about the baby. They said I should get an ultrasound to check on the baby and I started to panic a little, which Mark could sense. I started to cry and think that my stomach was hurting when it probably wasn't. The nurse kept trying to get me to count and say the ABC's over and over again. Mark just kept reassuring me that everything was going to be just fine. Mark Bowden then pulled up in his car and they all helped me stand up and put me in the back seat of the car so we could head to a hospital. We all started driving, kind of fast, then hit a huge dip in the road. My butt definitely lifted off the seat and I got some serious air. I still remember seeing both Marks whip their whole body around to look at me and see if I was okay. I just smiled and told them I was fine. Mark Bowden said that we should pull over and give me a blessing, which we did. I remember on the drive to the hospital all I wanted to do was sleep. My eyes felt so heavy. They put a huge blanket on my lap for my arm to stay elevated and even gave me a puke bag just in case. We pulled up to instant care and was closed already by about 20 minutes. So we had to go to the ER. I was expecting that to be a little different.. but they made us wait and fill out paperwork and of course none of us had wallets or any other information. They finally took us back and the nurse took my blood pressure and asked what had happened. We took off my splint and she said, "Well you've earned yourself an x-ray". By now it was swollen and bruised looking. They double gowned me with lead aprons once they heard I was pregnant and made me take some awkward radiographs of my thumb. The nurse told me before that they could take the x-rays but had to send them to Salt Lake for them to interpret them. They said they wouldn't be able to tell us much until they heard back. As soon as I got out of the room and made my way back to the exam room the nurse stopped me and said, "You're definitely going to need surgery". She showed me the x-rays and showed me where my first metacarpal was supposed to be and where it was. My heart sunk because I knew that meant the archery hunt was officially over for me.
They gave me a temporary splint to wear and gave us the option to do surgery there the next morning or go back home the next day. On the way back to camp I was just trying to hold back my tears and anger. We stopped for food but I wasn't hungry. I felt sick still. And pissed. We got back to camp and I went straight into the trailer to try to sleep. That was a long night. Because I was pregnant there wasn't much I could take to relieve the pain. I slept with my hand on a pillow through the night. Mark and I decided it'd be better to head home that next morning and have surgery done closer to home. I kept crying on the way. I didn't know if the baby was okay and I was mad that I ruined the hunt. We got into a clinic that morning. They looked at my x-rays and took a look at my thumb. He was about to say something when I interrupted and said, "Did they also tell you I'm pregnant?". He paused and said, "Well, I was just about to ask you how tomorrow sounds but that changes things a little". He left the room and I don't think he knew I could actually hear him talking to the surgeon outside the door. "We have a first metacarpal fracture that I wanted to schedule tomorrow but she's about 7 weeks pregnant". All the surgeon did was made a wince sound. So I cried some more. They came in and told us that I'd just have to be awake in the surgery and that they could do a nerve block so I wouldn't feel a thing.
The next morning Mark drove me to Provo for surgery. I have to admit I was really impressed with this place. Central Utah Surgical Center is what is was called. They were all amazing to work with. I was, of course, very nervous but they did everything they could to accommodate me. I don't remember a lot about that morning except changing into the gown and them putting the IV in. One of the nurses came in to see if they could find my babys heartbeat and when she couldn't I wanted to cry again. But Mark talked me down and said we're still early and there's nothing to worry about. The nurses reassured me that I wasn't very far along at all and if I were even a week later they could probably find it. When one of the Dr's came in to do my nerve block.. that part I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget. He got out the ultrasound and asked me to raise my arm above my head. He started to probe in my arm pit. He was great and tried to explain what he was doing and would apologize when it hurt. Which it did. The best way I can describe that is my nerves felt like guitar strings that he just kept plucking and then when he hit a nerve and started to inject the lidocaine it burned like crazy. The Dr's and nurses kept telling me that I was a rock star for doing this without anesthesia. I remind Mark all the time. After that was over I couldn't feel my entire left arm. It was so weird. They put it in a big splint so it wouldn't flop around. I had to use the bathroom from all the fluids and I remember trying to get up and my arm swung up and hit me in the face. It was pretty funny. After that it was time for surgery. I got emotional when I had to say bye to Mark and he went to the waiting room. They wheeled me into surgery on a table and everything seemed so cold. Dr. Johnson was the one performing my surgery and he was awesome. He kept making sure I was comfortable. I couldn't see what was happening because they put a sheet up but I could hear the drilling as they placed the pins.. He said to pretend I was at the dentist. Not sure that helped. The staff was all great to work with and kept talking to me to distract me. They even had music playing. It seemed like I was in and out of surgery real quick. Mark says he was in the waiting area maybe 30-40 minutes.
We got home and situated that day. I didn't have a lot for pain meds, again because of Walker (you better be worth it buddy). Luckily I was numb for quite a bit after the surgery which was nice. It was real creepy when my fingers would touch my leg and I didn't know what was touching me. I talked Mark into going back out on the hunt. He felt so bad but I told him that was what I really wanted. I didn't want to hold him back more. So he left that day. I remember when the block started to wear off and the pain came. That was not super fun. I watched a lot of netflix and the dogs kept me company. I kept ice on it most of the time but it was a huge cast so who knows if it really got through. I honestly expected recovery to be the worst. I wasn't prepared for how many people that are there for me. I got cookies delivered to my door. My sister in law came over and brought me flowers, bath salts, and treats then cleaned my kitchen. My sister came over once a week for quite a while to wash my hair and shave my armpits (there's a lot of things you don't think of that you can't do one handed..). And she'd help fold laundry. My mom came over and helped me prep food to make it easier. I had lots of visitors bring me food and just be there for me. I got packages. I felt so loved. It really made recovery so easy. Luckily, I already had that week requested off work for hunting so I didn't feel like I left them understaffed.
The months and weeks that followed weren't easy but with the help of everyone around me, it was a lot easier. I had to learn to do a lot one handed. Work was really hard for me. I basically had to have a Vet Assistant follow me everywhere to draw up my vaccines or hold a dog for the Dr. I hated having to rely on someone but we made it work. I started with a giant bandage and slowly over the weeks it got smaller. Then they removed the pins. That was interesting. I expected it to hurt but it didn't really. It was just creepy looking. My hand did not look like my hand. There was no muscle. They took a few post op radiographs a few weeks later and determined I was ready for physical therapy. The first day was real discouraging. I loved my therapist Brad Mangum, he made it fun. Some days I wanted to punch him but mostly it was fun. I just remember the first day he'd ask me to do certain ranges of motion and I felt like I was pushing so hard and nothing was happening. I wanted to cry (I know I know, I want to cry a lot but I'm pregnant and just went through something traumatic okay?!). I went to therapy for a few months and learned more stretches and ways to torture my thumb. I think finally in November I graduated from physical therapy and no longer needed any kind of splint. A long journey.. In January I drew my bow back for the first time since the accident and I was surprised to see I still had the strength to pull it back. We actually went on a Coues hunt hoping I could find a buck with my bow. It was a lot of fun but I never got close enough.
Basically the whole point of this blog post is to say.. I hope this dang kid is worth having my thumb drilled into without anesthesia AND not having any good pain medications afterward. But he will be. Can't wait to meet my future little buddy.
August 17, 2019 was the archery hunt opener. Mark and I look forward to this day.. all year round. So much preparation and shooting practice to prepare us to be 20+ yards from a gorgeous buck. It is, by far, my favorite hunt. Something about the bow hunt gets my blood pumping. The weather is perfect. We have prepared all summer to be here. We've got in the reps, built up our poundage on our bows, and sighted them in so we feel confident. The bow hunt is challenging. You have to get close enough to feel confident in your ability to get a kill shot, but also not too close that the bucks can't smell, see, or hear you. What a rush of adrenaline.
I believe I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time so the first trimester nausea was in full swing, which luckily for me it really never got too bad. I could tell that I didn't have as much stamina or energy to hike like I wanted to. That first morning I took it easy and went on a short solo hike and sat near one of our trail cameras where we had some activity. That evening I basically did the same hike and didn't see much.
August 18, 2019 was the morning we decided to leave the basin we were camping in and go back to what we call our "base camp", where our trailers are parked and all our food is stashed. We got more practice shooting in, ate food, and napped in preparation for the evening hunt. That's when everything went south for me. Mark and his buddy Caleb decided that evening they wanted to take out their e-bikes and go to another basin. I originally told Mark I would stay close to camp and just do a short hike since I wasn't feeling super great. I changed my mind and decided I'd take the razor out and do a little road hunting in search of a good trail to hike. All I have ever wanted is to take a buck on a solo hunt. I just think it would be such a cool accomplishment to not have any help from anyone. So that was my plan that evening.
I drove the razor down a familiar road hoping to spot some deer or a good trail. As I rounded a corner I thought I saw a deer and it distracted me a little. Keep in mind.. I am a huge wimp. I was not going fast. The road had some lose gravel and when I looked back toward the road I was getting too close to a big dip on the other side. I tried to correct it but the lose gravel gave me no traction. I slid into a tree with my passenger tire and as I hit the steering wheel popped over and hit my left hand hard then the whole thing rolled onto the drivers side. Thankfully I had my seat belt on and I was gripping the steering wheel so hard that I didn't try to put my hand out in an attempt to catch myself. That specific part plays over and over again in my head. It's weird how it seemed to happen so quickly, but also in slow motion. How is that possible? I knew immediately my left hand was not looking good. It swelled up quick and I couldn't move any of my fingers. My fingers were actually kind of stuck in a weird position like after you jam them super hard. My first thought was.. this thing is going to blow up if I don't get out right now (haha). I unbuckled myself and turned off the razor and jumped out the top of the razor. I couldn't really think clearly about what had happened. I just knew I was super nauseous. I paced around the road trying to make sense of it all. Looking at my left hand it looked like it had already swelled up to twice the size but I couldn't feel the pain yet. It was just stuck. Luckily I remembered that we have walkie talkies and I thought to message Mark. I honestly didn't think he'd respond being as far away as he was. I could hardly get the words out but I remember saying, "Mark.. Mark? Are you there?" Nothing. "Caleb.. Cam? Are you there?" Then thankfully I heard marks voice come through. I wasn't sure if it was Mark Bowden or my Mark but I started to cry and hyperventilate a little. Mark had no idea what I was trying to say. He says he thought I shot a buck and was just too excited to get words out. I said, "Mark I crashed the razor.. I'm okay but I think my hand is broken". He said he was coming to get me so I decided to just kneel by the side of the road to catch my breath. That's when things started to sink in a little. I started to dry heave thinking I might throw up but nothing came out. I sat down, then stood up, sat down again. A truck came down the road with probably 5 or 6 people in the bed of the truck. They all stared at me not knowing what to say. They started to jump out asking if I was okay and I just waved them off and said my husband was on the way. I didn't want to talk or have any help. I was starting to feel mad that this was happening and wondered if Mark would be mad that I ended his night hunt early (which he does give me crap for.. but no he wasn't mad haha). A bunch of guys jumped out and asked if I wanted them to put the razor back on it's tires and I just said "sure". One of the people that jumped out of the truck came up to me and told me she was a nurse and wanted to know if she could examine me. She asked me where I was hurting and I told her my left hand was starting to throb a little. They laid me down on my back and started putting jackets on me because I started to shiver a little. The nurse went back to the truck and came back with ice and started to ice my hand. Which kind of sucked. She found some sticks and some bandaging material to splint my hand so that was pretty cool. While we waited for Mark to come down I tried to lighten the mood a little. I asked "Has anyone seen any bomber bucks yet? Has anyone taken a shot?" They were a little taken aback from that and just kind of laughed and said not yet. I felt bad they were all just standing around me. One of the guys said the razor looked to still be in perfect condition so I immediately asked how my bow looked. I forgot it was in the front seat. He laughed as he walked back to the razor and he told me the bow looks good too. As they were talking to me I kept grabbing my stomach so one of the girls asked if my stomach hurt. I said, "No but I'm like 7 weeks pregnant so I do that sometimes". After I said that the nurse looked worried and started to palpate my abdomen in different quadrants asking if anything hurt. Nothing did. They asked if I wanted them to call the ambulance and I said no I'll just wait to my husband. They were starting to worry me a little. Finally after what seemed like forever Mark pulled up in the four wheeler and I think he said something like, "What did ya do this time sweetie?" The girls kept telling Mark that we really should call an ambulance and he said "Nah, she's fine". He asked me how I was feeling, then all the emotions came. I started thinking about the baby and thought how selfish I was to be worried about my bow and mad that I wrecked instead of thinking about the baby. They said I should get an ultrasound to check on the baby and I started to panic a little, which Mark could sense. I started to cry and think that my stomach was hurting when it probably wasn't. The nurse kept trying to get me to count and say the ABC's over and over again. Mark just kept reassuring me that everything was going to be just fine. Mark Bowden then pulled up in his car and they all helped me stand up and put me in the back seat of the car so we could head to a hospital. We all started driving, kind of fast, then hit a huge dip in the road. My butt definitely lifted off the seat and I got some serious air. I still remember seeing both Marks whip their whole body around to look at me and see if I was okay. I just smiled and told them I was fine. Mark Bowden said that we should pull over and give me a blessing, which we did. I remember on the drive to the hospital all I wanted to do was sleep. My eyes felt so heavy. They put a huge blanket on my lap for my arm to stay elevated and even gave me a puke bag just in case. We pulled up to instant care and was closed already by about 20 minutes. So we had to go to the ER. I was expecting that to be a little different.. but they made us wait and fill out paperwork and of course none of us had wallets or any other information. They finally took us back and the nurse took my blood pressure and asked what had happened. We took off my splint and she said, "Well you've earned yourself an x-ray". By now it was swollen and bruised looking. They double gowned me with lead aprons once they heard I was pregnant and made me take some awkward radiographs of my thumb. The nurse told me before that they could take the x-rays but had to send them to Salt Lake for them to interpret them. They said they wouldn't be able to tell us much until they heard back. As soon as I got out of the room and made my way back to the exam room the nurse stopped me and said, "You're definitely going to need surgery". She showed me the x-rays and showed me where my first metacarpal was supposed to be and where it was. My heart sunk because I knew that meant the archery hunt was officially over for me.
They gave me a temporary splint to wear and gave us the option to do surgery there the next morning or go back home the next day. On the way back to camp I was just trying to hold back my tears and anger. We stopped for food but I wasn't hungry. I felt sick still. And pissed. We got back to camp and I went straight into the trailer to try to sleep. That was a long night. Because I was pregnant there wasn't much I could take to relieve the pain. I slept with my hand on a pillow through the night. Mark and I decided it'd be better to head home that next morning and have surgery done closer to home. I kept crying on the way. I didn't know if the baby was okay and I was mad that I ruined the hunt. We got into a clinic that morning. They looked at my x-rays and took a look at my thumb. He was about to say something when I interrupted and said, "Did they also tell you I'm pregnant?". He paused and said, "Well, I was just about to ask you how tomorrow sounds but that changes things a little". He left the room and I don't think he knew I could actually hear him talking to the surgeon outside the door. "We have a first metacarpal fracture that I wanted to schedule tomorrow but she's about 7 weeks pregnant". All the surgeon did was made a wince sound. So I cried some more. They came in and told us that I'd just have to be awake in the surgery and that they could do a nerve block so I wouldn't feel a thing.
The next morning Mark drove me to Provo for surgery. I have to admit I was really impressed with this place. Central Utah Surgical Center is what is was called. They were all amazing to work with. I was, of course, very nervous but they did everything they could to accommodate me. I don't remember a lot about that morning except changing into the gown and them putting the IV in. One of the nurses came in to see if they could find my babys heartbeat and when she couldn't I wanted to cry again. But Mark talked me down and said we're still early and there's nothing to worry about. The nurses reassured me that I wasn't very far along at all and if I were even a week later they could probably find it. When one of the Dr's came in to do my nerve block.. that part I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget. He got out the ultrasound and asked me to raise my arm above my head. He started to probe in my arm pit. He was great and tried to explain what he was doing and would apologize when it hurt. Which it did. The best way I can describe that is my nerves felt like guitar strings that he just kept plucking and then when he hit a nerve and started to inject the lidocaine it burned like crazy. The Dr's and nurses kept telling me that I was a rock star for doing this without anesthesia. I remind Mark all the time. After that was over I couldn't feel my entire left arm. It was so weird. They put it in a big splint so it wouldn't flop around. I had to use the bathroom from all the fluids and I remember trying to get up and my arm swung up and hit me in the face. It was pretty funny. After that it was time for surgery. I got emotional when I had to say bye to Mark and he went to the waiting room. They wheeled me into surgery on a table and everything seemed so cold. Dr. Johnson was the one performing my surgery and he was awesome. He kept making sure I was comfortable. I couldn't see what was happening because they put a sheet up but I could hear the drilling as they placed the pins.. He said to pretend I was at the dentist. Not sure that helped. The staff was all great to work with and kept talking to me to distract me. They even had music playing. It seemed like I was in and out of surgery real quick. Mark says he was in the waiting area maybe 30-40 minutes.
We got home and situated that day. I didn't have a lot for pain meds, again because of Walker (you better be worth it buddy). Luckily I was numb for quite a bit after the surgery which was nice. It was real creepy when my fingers would touch my leg and I didn't know what was touching me. I talked Mark into going back out on the hunt. He felt so bad but I told him that was what I really wanted. I didn't want to hold him back more. So he left that day. I remember when the block started to wear off and the pain came. That was not super fun. I watched a lot of netflix and the dogs kept me company. I kept ice on it most of the time but it was a huge cast so who knows if it really got through. I honestly expected recovery to be the worst. I wasn't prepared for how many people that are there for me. I got cookies delivered to my door. My sister in law came over and brought me flowers, bath salts, and treats then cleaned my kitchen. My sister came over once a week for quite a while to wash my hair and shave my armpits (there's a lot of things you don't think of that you can't do one handed..). And she'd help fold laundry. My mom came over and helped me prep food to make it easier. I had lots of visitors bring me food and just be there for me. I got packages. I felt so loved. It really made recovery so easy. Luckily, I already had that week requested off work for hunting so I didn't feel like I left them understaffed.
The months and weeks that followed weren't easy but with the help of everyone around me, it was a lot easier. I had to learn to do a lot one handed. Work was really hard for me. I basically had to have a Vet Assistant follow me everywhere to draw up my vaccines or hold a dog for the Dr. I hated having to rely on someone but we made it work. I started with a giant bandage and slowly over the weeks it got smaller. Then they removed the pins. That was interesting. I expected it to hurt but it didn't really. It was just creepy looking. My hand did not look like my hand. There was no muscle. They took a few post op radiographs a few weeks later and determined I was ready for physical therapy. The first day was real discouraging. I loved my therapist Brad Mangum, he made it fun. Some days I wanted to punch him but mostly it was fun. I just remember the first day he'd ask me to do certain ranges of motion and I felt like I was pushing so hard and nothing was happening. I wanted to cry (I know I know, I want to cry a lot but I'm pregnant and just went through something traumatic okay?!). I went to therapy for a few months and learned more stretches and ways to torture my thumb. I think finally in November I graduated from physical therapy and no longer needed any kind of splint. A long journey.. In January I drew my bow back for the first time since the accident and I was surprised to see I still had the strength to pull it back. We actually went on a Coues hunt hoping I could find a buck with my bow. It was a lot of fun but I never got close enough.
Basically the whole point of this blog post is to say.. I hope this dang kid is worth having my thumb drilled into without anesthesia AND not having any good pain medications afterward. But he will be. Can't wait to meet my future little buddy.
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